Where Did All My Friends Go?
In our lifetime we will meet people at all different stages of our lives for different reasons. Some show up to teach lessons like love, acceptance, forgiveness, or to not take things for granted and be more thankful. Others show up to be a guided force and voice of reason. Even the family we are born into stands for a purpose. We have people that we meet, we love, and consider even closer than family. You spend years with the same people, involving yourself in the same cycles. But when our beings change, so do our surroundings and letting go, moving forward and on, can leave us in sorrow or despair, hurt and even anger.
Becoming a mother changed me to the core. It changed me in such ways I’m beyond grateful for. And because of this change I lost or outgrew people that were close to me throughout my whole life. Me having a baby however wasn’t the entire reason why these relationships are non existent, I now come to believe or know that these relationships were going to end no matter what but becoming a mother just happened to be the catalyst. I went from having all these “girlfriends” to having literally no one. My phone stopped ringing off the hook, no one checked in to see how me and baby were doing, when I was facing my deepest and darkest struggles I had no one to call or talk to. Everyone disappeared and I wondered where did all my friends go? Overtime and now I understand my friends didn’t change…I did. They were and are exactly the same people I knew them to be so I don’t really fault them anymore. They are who they are. When you evolve you have to accept people for who they are and where they are in their life. Same goes for family, past loves, and other relationships we’ve had.
What we don’t know or what we aren’t aware of in the midst of this happening is that these are lessons we need to learn and move through. After suffering a loss like a breakup, betrayal, or losing someone by death, most of us just go through the day motionless, not really feeling the feelings when these changes of circumstance occur or why they’re even occurring. We right away become victims and wallow in the grief process. We get so caught up with what we lost we don’t open up our eyes to what we’re actually gaining. We have the right to grieve and mourn our loss but when it starts to control your life and hinders you from moving forward you have to stop, think, reground and regroup for this is not what life is suppose to be solely made up of. I can, you can rise above.
From those relationships we can choose either to come out stronger, smarter or wiser. We learned something but those lessons often go unnoticed. We can then reject new relationships in fear of being rejected or released at the drop of a dime. Fear is ego based and the ego very much dislikes change.
All the people that have come and gone into my life either by death or by just growing apart, I had a deep soul connection with. Not everyone feels that or sees that but it’s there and it can create confusion in others because they do not know what it is they’re actually feeling or why they are feeling it. Each time a relationship I had ended either abruptly or overtime I felt such deep deep sadness. I always had a very difficult time letting go and I didn’t want to embrace any change (my ego). It would hurt me to the core of my being and I felt like I was always stuck in this type of cycle in each relationship. Mother, father, best friend, and lovers. Each were and are very different types of love but the loss of one kind would leave me feeling empty. I would cling and hold on and never want to let go. I always thought “I can fix this, let me fix this” or I would blame myself and take the responsibility for someone else’s actions. But that was hurting me more than the actually breakup or breakthrough as I like to see it these days.
When it comes to family it can be more difficult to release them because we are taught that family is everything. The families we are born into are here to actually teach us the hardest lessons. We can try and try so hard to hold these relationships very close to us to just let them keep hurting us over and over again. It is ok to maintain healthy relationships at arm’s length. It is ok to keep these at a distance.
With friends or lovers letting go is all you really can do when it’s time. It’s not up to you really to try and change things or “fix” people because we all have free will. We cannot force upon others what we want in terms of relationship. What we want may not necessarily be what we need when it comes to internal growth.
I didn’t know at the time what I was feeling on a soul level either until now and until I connected with my inner self. This is something I work on everyday. Having to put the ego aside and keep it in check is very challenging. But to connect with my own self on this level has taught me how to continue to see the good and love in people; to see the good and love in myself. I look at people and situations through compassionate eyes. It shows me how to continuously open myself to new people and opportunities all with a positive outlook rather than a negative or worried one.
Just like you I continue to have doubts, I am only human. I learned how to channel that negative energy and make it positive. I use tools like energy healing, meditations, and restorative yoga to cope with how I resonate and respond to these feelings and thoughts created from these relationships. Instead of only focusing on the loss itself I look for the love and blessing it has also created. Sometimes love is blind until you put your glasses on type of thing. I put my glasses on to see clearer and to feel clearer.
Ever wonder why when you look back on relationships you only remember the good? Well it’s because the good will always outweigh the bad. When we look back we have bright, loving memories that we miss. Those memories we can hold with us forever but we need not hold onto the pain and suffering. It is unnecessary.
Be mindful of the relationships you’re in now. Cherish them. But don’t let yourself get caught up in karmic cycles that you feel trapped in. Don’t be a doormat, and don’t let people take advantage of your goodness. Set firm and clear boundaries for people. We all get hurt, that’s inevitable, but we can learn to see what relationships need mending and what relationships need moving on from.
Do you ever find yourself looking back at past relationships and missing them then say to yourself why do I even miss that, it was a terrible relationship? Or do you look back and wish some never ended or where would you be now have you stayed or still been in one of those relationships? Could you be where you are now? Is there a family member or friend you lost contact with or grew apart from? What can you positively take away from that relationship that has stayed in your mind?